I have had a few requests...
Well I have had a request to tell the "true" story of my nose being broken...It happened about week ago, actually just last Sunday. I had a few people out to the lake and we were chilling in the tubes and just hanging out. Dan and I were reminiscing of our trip to Amsterdam, and all the shots that came with it. We started telling the stories of the alcohol, and drugs, and all the hookers, when were were asked about the one-legged deaf mute that we had shared. Well it went something like this..............
We had been all over Amsterdam, spending money on food, drinks and other "bad stuff" (that apparently no matter how much I deny, people will not believe that I went to Amsterdam and did not smoke any pot...oh well, why do I have to explain myself!). So moving on, Dan and I had talked about meaningless European sex, and we thought maybe Amsterdam was the place to go. We had decided that we could definitely go "half-sies" on a prostitute. When we got there, we started talking with the chick, and she said that for a "dooble-eefurt" which I guess is what they call a three-some, which is not exactly what we had in mind, but whatever, it was gonna cost us 80 Euro. Which was absolutely crazy, because we were told that it would only cost 35-50 Euro. Since we had spent all of our money so far, she directed us to her "sister", which I don't really think was her sister, but rather a prostitute that she felt sorry for.
So we spend about an hour to get to this other chick's place and we started talking with this guy, and before we know it he sends for the girl we came to see. Well this horrible angry dwarf of a troll comes out, one leg, a patch over one eye and the other was clouded up like she had had cataracts for thirty years of her short life. He took her by the hand and led her to the bed, and started doing sign language in the palm of her hand....this guy was her translator....well long story short, Dan and I got into it. We fought and wound up missing our train. Sitting in the rain a few hours later, waiting for dawn and the next train, we didn't speak to eachother.
The train finally showed up later and we boarded, being dead tired, and a little pissed off, we were not paying attention. We crossed the border, and were soon asked for our boarding passes, again because we were so tired, we had filled out the passes wrong. The train conductor who was just waiting to grab someone by the collar, because really what she wanted was to be a police officer, but because she was so fat and wasn't very good with a baton, she was knocked down to train duty, snatched me up and sent Dan and I to the front of the train, where we were ticketed, handcuffed, and sent to the next stop where we were picked up and put in jail until they figured the whole thing out. So there we are waiting for the fucking morons of the Amsterdam police department to figure out what exactly happened, and why we were being detained, when Dan moved close to me and told me to look nonchalantly across the cell...there was a large black man basically eye-fucking Dan.
He moved across the cell like a lion on the prowl, he sat down beside me, and starting speaking Dutch, I stopped him mid sentence and said, "look you fucking moron, if you don't speak English to me I am going to have to shove your balls back into your abdomen! Shut the fuck up!" Next thing I know he has me by the throat, and banging me head against the wall, and is saying, that he wants my "beetch"...."Fine!" I yell, not really knowing what the hell is going on, when he drops me on the floor, kicks me in the gut and grabs Dan's arm. Well being tired, sore, and a little pissed at Dan for wanting to talk to the deaf mute of a prostitute, I let him go.
Jump to this last Sunday, we started telling the story, and Dan not finding it funny, started walking up the beach, I yelled back to him, "whut's de ma-tter? Are you a leetle beetch?" He turned with flames in his eyes and ran back towards me, pushing me into the water. Not knowing exactly what set him off, I grabbed for his hands around my neck and dug my fingers into them. when he loosened his grip I came back above water and pushed him off of me. He grabbed my leg and tripped me, he turned me over and pinned me down. reaching out for anything I found the canoe paddle and swung it as hard as I could. It caught him on the side of the head and split his head open, but it also knocked him off of me, he regained his composure and found the other paddle and took a swing at me, I jumped out of the way and pinned his paddle with mine and kicked him in the groin, but he caught my foot and tripped me up again, the next thing I know he swung for me face, and I tried to duck, but he caught me right on the nose and split it wide open across the bridge.
At that point we both sorta collapsed, bleeding and exhausted, as our friends and "onlookers" rushed to us, they were stunned by what had just happened. I guess there was just a lot of pent up anger from that Amsterdam trip, I should have never given up my "beetch" and Dan agreed that he should have never wanted to stayed with the prostitute. All in all we both got pretty messed up, the money maker isn't as straight as it was, whether you can say that it was ever straight I do not know....but we both will have a great story to tell!
We had been all over Amsterdam, spending money on food, drinks and other "bad stuff" (that apparently no matter how much I deny, people will not believe that I went to Amsterdam and did not smoke any pot...oh well, why do I have to explain myself!). So moving on, Dan and I had talked about meaningless European sex, and we thought maybe Amsterdam was the place to go. We had decided that we could definitely go "half-sies" on a prostitute. When we got there, we started talking with the chick, and she said that for a "dooble-eefurt" which I guess is what they call a three-some, which is not exactly what we had in mind, but whatever, it was gonna cost us 80 Euro. Which was absolutely crazy, because we were told that it would only cost 35-50 Euro. Since we had spent all of our money so far, she directed us to her "sister", which I don't really think was her sister, but rather a prostitute that she felt sorry for.
So we spend about an hour to get to this other chick's place and we started talking with this guy, and before we know it he sends for the girl we came to see. Well this horrible angry dwarf of a troll comes out, one leg, a patch over one eye and the other was clouded up like she had had cataracts for thirty years of her short life. He took her by the hand and led her to the bed, and started doing sign language in the palm of her hand....this guy was her translator....well long story short, Dan and I got into it. We fought and wound up missing our train. Sitting in the rain a few hours later, waiting for dawn and the next train, we didn't speak to eachother.
The train finally showed up later and we boarded, being dead tired, and a little pissed off, we were not paying attention. We crossed the border, and were soon asked for our boarding passes, again because we were so tired, we had filled out the passes wrong. The train conductor who was just waiting to grab someone by the collar, because really what she wanted was to be a police officer, but because she was so fat and wasn't very good with a baton, she was knocked down to train duty, snatched me up and sent Dan and I to the front of the train, where we were ticketed, handcuffed, and sent to the next stop where we were picked up and put in jail until they figured the whole thing out. So there we are waiting for the fucking morons of the Amsterdam police department to figure out what exactly happened, and why we were being detained, when Dan moved close to me and told me to look nonchalantly across the cell...there was a large black man basically eye-fucking Dan.
He moved across the cell like a lion on the prowl, he sat down beside me, and starting speaking Dutch, I stopped him mid sentence and said, "look you fucking moron, if you don't speak English to me I am going to have to shove your balls back into your abdomen! Shut the fuck up!" Next thing I know he has me by the throat, and banging me head against the wall, and is saying, that he wants my "beetch"...."Fine!" I yell, not really knowing what the hell is going on, when he drops me on the floor, kicks me in the gut and grabs Dan's arm. Well being tired, sore, and a little pissed at Dan for wanting to talk to the deaf mute of a prostitute, I let him go.
Jump to this last Sunday, we started telling the story, and Dan not finding it funny, started walking up the beach, I yelled back to him, "whut's de ma-tter? Are you a leetle beetch?" He turned with flames in his eyes and ran back towards me, pushing me into the water. Not knowing exactly what set him off, I grabbed for his hands around my neck and dug my fingers into them. when he loosened his grip I came back above water and pushed him off of me. He grabbed my leg and tripped me, he turned me over and pinned me down. reaching out for anything I found the canoe paddle and swung it as hard as I could. It caught him on the side of the head and split his head open, but it also knocked him off of me, he regained his composure and found the other paddle and took a swing at me, I jumped out of the way and pinned his paddle with mine and kicked him in the groin, but he caught my foot and tripped me up again, the next thing I know he swung for me face, and I tried to duck, but he caught me right on the nose and split it wide open across the bridge.
At that point we both sorta collapsed, bleeding and exhausted, as our friends and "onlookers" rushed to us, they were stunned by what had just happened. I guess there was just a lot of pent up anger from that Amsterdam trip, I should have never given up my "beetch" and Dan agreed that he should have never wanted to stayed with the prostitute. All in all we both got pretty messed up, the money maker isn't as straight as it was, whether you can say that it was ever straight I do not know....but we both will have a great story to tell!
posted by T at 1:34 PM
8 Comments:
That is EXACTLY what happened!
Dan
"the little 'beetch'"
ask a simple question.......
what question? I am so confused! But on other ends how was rendevous?
http://wearfamily.blogspot.com/
I broke it down by each day.
Love ya! Kiki
Rendezvous... just thought I'd let you know how to spell it.
No I know, I read the blog entry, I was just wondering, seems like you may be a little stressed lately. By the way Anonymous....Va fan culo! This is my sight I will spell it anyway that I like! ;)
Well the Rangers spell it-- Rendevous so we are good to go.
Stressed? A little, but that is how I am hard wired. Believe me Frank and I went round and round last night about that :)
Now once I am in Seattle and settled I will be a much happier woman.
Do you think you can meet us in KC for an evening. We have that Friday night free--we don't pick Mike up till Saturday morning.
Love you!
Your Birthdate: August 6
A birthday on the 6th of the month adds a tone of responsibility, helpfulness, and understanding to your natural inclinations.
Those born on the sixth are more apt to be open and honest with everyone, and more caring about family and friends, too.
This is a number associated with responsibility and caring - this birthday lends a degree of concern for others.
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