Here is a shout out to all the Army Corps of Engineers!

So my mom keeps telling my me that, "all her friends at work read my blog, and I need to be more conscienscious of what I say, and how it is said".... blah blah blah. Yeah so sorry if I offend anyone, but basically, like my front page says...this is my life, welcome to it! PEACE!

Here is something that Dan cannot read....

Dan Sucks! Ha ha ha, sometimes it is fun to make fun of my color-blind friend!

Forget the cushions, Save the coolers....Cluster Fuck Float Trip 2005

Oh wow! Just recovering from my float trip...yeah me and a few buddies went on a float trip down the Niobrara....you know lots of sun, bikini clad strangers, and plenty of beer and drunken hi-jinx.....well we had none of that....well except the beer part.

So the plan was to get a bunch of people together and bring lots of beer and just hang out and relax....well as many of you already know, plans rarely succeed! So here we were from 18 people to just 8 causing my expense to go up, irritating me, but what can you do? Words of advice, people are flaky, and next time get the cash up front! So we were planning on leaving Omaha at 9:00 am on Friday morning, driving the 6 hours to Niobrara, setting up camp, chilling out, getting up on Saturday, floating down the river, passing out and getting up on Sunday and coming home after a weekend of fun, relaxation, and....let's just call it "European Hi-jinx".

Cut to Friday morning, 11:00 a.m., when we are at Bakers getting beer. Then thinking that maybe just maybe we might need the extra room, I convince one of the people that they needed to drive their Explorer, well the plan was for a few of us to ride in the bed of the truck to keep the beer safe, don't worry we had a DVD player to keep us company....oh yeah and there was a topper. (That was for all you out their saying, geez I thought I raised her better....I mean I thought Terri was smarted than that....well it is amazing what slamming five beers before 10:00 in the morning will do to your judgment!) Anywho, so we got on the road, one Explorer-four people and one truck-two people in the cab, two in the truck and 8 cases of beer!

We are on our way to Niobrara, when we stop like two hours into the journey, what the hell?! I mean c'mon if you can't make two hours without stopping then you are like an 90 year old woman that lost all bladder control and didn't have her bag with her. But it was good because the driver of the truck was jealous that he couldn't drink, so he jumped in the back, and we continued on our way. The new plan was to stop an change drivers, that way we all got a chance to drink on the way up and no one was drinking and driving. If we had planned better we would have brought a few 17 year olds with us, that way they could have driven the entire way, and been our beer bitches!

Finally we hit camp site, and let me tell you that I know I bitch about technology a little more than I should, but whoever invented that tent that basically you just throw up into the air and it lands all set up was a genius, yeah I said G-E-N-I-U-S! Because I fell....well rather rolled...out of the truck and took my tent to a shady spot, threw that baby up, and shit I had another beer opened by the time it hit the ground and popped open, fully set-up....meanwhile, the boys are struggling with their mess of poles, extra hooks and fabric! And I do have to make a disclaimer here, because I did not bring a watch and my phone did not have service I did not run on normal time, but rather on what I like to refer to as Busch time, meaning the number of beers before the next event occurred. So for example, I had my tent all set up, and two beers later the other tent was set up and the camp fire was "roaring" (and by roaring I mean that it was fizzling, before they let the lez take over, in a matter of oh about three drinks of a beer I had the fire up and going....yeah sure Phil you loosened....I mean started it for me!) Anywho, one beer later we decided to jump in the river and relax.

About seven beers later and half of a 1.75 of mostly Captain and very little coke, we stumble up the bank back to our campsite, and decide we should get something in our stomach, because tomorrow is gonna be a big day of drinking! Well long story short, we eat, pass-out, sleep very little because while it was 105 here, it was about 10 degrees hotter there! So we wake up and realize that we need ice or our trip down the river with warm beer was gonna suck, well all-in-all we got ice, made it to the launch spot, and started out 5 hour journey down the river...7 and a half hours later, with seven fried people, three passed out "sailors", one less inner-tube, 2 pairs of shoes lost, three minor injuries, one mid-major injury, and about three-quarters of the six cases of beer finished we crawled on the the landing spot.

We headed back to camp exhausted, starving, sore, and just plain crabby we ate a light dinner, and I went to grab about a three beer nap, roughly an hour or so. I woke up and realized that my pillow was soaking wet from sweating, both because of the heat and my sunburn...I caught up with a couple people as they were leaving to go take a cold shower to try and cool down...and as we entered the shower facilities and learned that it would be about an hour to shower, someone said, "I wouldn't be opposed to going home now....(giggle)" I replied with, "my thoughts exactly, let's see what everyone thinks, no seriously let's go ask." Before I knew it, camp was torn down all the trash was picked up and we were on our way back home. I could stand to lose $6 in order to sleep in my own bed, in the air conditioning. So when we got into the car, at about 7:15 p.m. the thermometer read 107, I can only imagine what it was at 4:00 that afternoon when we had been on the river.

So seven hours, three stops later, with the Explorer holding four, the truck holding three (if you will notice we lost someone along the way), everyone happy because we all got to sit in the air conditioned cars, especially the two cases of heat exhaustion, we were back in Omaha. All in all it was a good trip, lots of beer drank, lots of hotties spotted, and lot's of bullshit drama, but now I know who and who I can't take on road trips! So I hope you enjoyed the saga, there are many more details, if you want to hear them, let me know, other wise this entry might have gotten too long! (Damn I am one funny chick!)

I have had a few requests...

Well I have had a request to tell the "true" story of my nose being broken...It happened about week ago, actually just last Sunday. I had a few people out to the lake and we were chilling in the tubes and just hanging out. Dan and I were reminiscing of our trip to Amsterdam, and all the shots that came with it. We started telling the stories of the alcohol, and drugs, and all the hookers, when were were asked about the one-legged deaf mute that we had shared. Well it went something like this..............

We had been all over Amsterdam, spending money on food, drinks and other "bad stuff" (that apparently no matter how much I deny, people will not believe that I went to Amsterdam and did not smoke any pot...oh well, why do I have to explain myself!). So moving on, Dan and I had talked about meaningless European sex, and we thought maybe Amsterdam was the place to go. We had decided that we could definitely go "half-sies" on a prostitute. When we got there, we started talking with the chick, and she said that for a "dooble-eefurt" which I guess is what they call a three-some, which is not exactly what we had in mind, but whatever, it was gonna cost us 80 Euro. Which was absolutely crazy, because we were told that it would only cost 35-50 Euro. Since we had spent all of our money so far, she directed us to her "sister", which I don't really think was her sister, but rather a prostitute that she felt sorry for.

So we spend about an hour to get to this other chick's place and we started talking with this guy, and before we know it he sends for the girl we came to see. Well this horrible angry dwarf of a troll comes out, one leg, a patch over one eye and the other was clouded up like she had had cataracts for thirty years of her short life. He took her by the hand and led her to the bed, and started doing sign language in the palm of her hand....this guy was her translator....well long story short, Dan and I got into it. We fought and wound up missing our train. Sitting in the rain a few hours later, waiting for dawn and the next train, we didn't speak to eachother.

The train finally showed up later and we boarded, being dead tired, and a little pissed off, we were not paying attention. We crossed the border, and were soon asked for our boarding passes, again because we were so tired, we had filled out the passes wrong. The train conductor who was just waiting to grab someone by the collar, because really what she wanted was to be a police officer, but because she was so fat and wasn't very good with a baton, she was knocked down to train duty, snatched me up and sent Dan and I to the front of the train, where we were ticketed, handcuffed, and sent to the next stop where we were picked up and put in jail until they figured the whole thing out. So there we are waiting for the fucking morons of the Amsterdam police department to figure out what exactly happened, and why we were being detained, when Dan moved close to me and told me to look nonchalantly across the cell...there was a large black man basically eye-fucking Dan.

He moved across the cell like a lion on the prowl, he sat down beside me, and starting speaking Dutch, I stopped him mid sentence and said, "look you fucking moron, if you don't speak English to me I am going to have to shove your balls back into your abdomen! Shut the fuck up!" Next thing I know he has me by the throat, and banging me head against the wall, and is saying, that he wants my "beetch"...."Fine!" I yell, not really knowing what the hell is going on, when he drops me on the floor, kicks me in the gut and grabs Dan's arm. Well being tired, sore, and a little pissed at Dan for wanting to talk to the deaf mute of a prostitute, I let him go.

Jump to this last Sunday, we started telling the story, and Dan not finding it funny, started walking up the beach, I yelled back to him, "whut's de ma-tter? Are you a leetle beetch?" He turned with flames in his eyes and ran back towards me, pushing me into the water. Not knowing exactly what set him off, I grabbed for his hands around my neck and dug my fingers into them. when he loosened his grip I came back above water and pushed him off of me. He grabbed my leg and tripped me, he turned me over and pinned me down. reaching out for anything I found the canoe paddle and swung it as hard as I could. It caught him on the side of the head and split his head open, but it also knocked him off of me, he regained his composure and found the other paddle and took a swing at me, I jumped out of the way and pinned his paddle with mine and kicked him in the groin, but he caught my foot and tripped me up again, the next thing I know he swung for me face, and I tried to duck, but he caught me right on the nose and split it wide open across the bridge.

At that point we both sorta collapsed, bleeding and exhausted, as our friends and "onlookers" rushed to us, they were stunned by what had just happened. I guess there was just a lot of pent up anger from that Amsterdam trip, I should have never given up my "beetch" and Dan agreed that he should have never wanted to stayed with the prostitute. All in all we both got pretty messed up, the money maker isn't as straight as it was, whether you can say that it was ever straight I do not know....but we both will have a great story to tell!

Reverse racism....sorta

So today, I met up with Dan and his four "siblings" at the house. Dan was to take the kids to SkateWorld, which for any of you morons out there is a total rip-off of SkateLand, it was like when you were little and your parents tried to pawn off on you that crappy Hy-Vee soda....anyway, what's worse than having four kids between the ages of 6 and 8?....Adding a fifth child who was short, annoying and way too uncool to be hanging out with us! Plus not to be a jerk, but she was totally Veruca Salt-like. If you know what I mean you are cool. If you have to look up who Veruca Salt was, and trust me it is not a band, then you suck and should not be allowed to breed!

Yeah, so there we are watching the kids skate, when Dan tells me to watch one of the younger ones, and as he falls trying to get up from his last stumble, we start to laugh and Dan informs me that we cannot let him see us laugh, because he is "sensitive". Hello 'mo! Anywho there we are watching them make their slow but sure passes, some on skates, others on roller blades, when I notice the youngest one on the far side, along the wall taking his time. I also notice a rather large, older girl who should not have been skating with the young kids, I mean c'mon people isn't there a weight limit or something for these skate parties?! So as I sit here I swear to you that this all happened in slow motion, as the youngest turns around and sees his unfortunate but too real death pending over his head as the fat chick skates his way.......backwards. I see the impatientness in his little legs as they start to glide faster and faster, and before anyone could say anything, I nudged Dan to encourage a glance in the direction of the upcoming tragedy.....and *BOOM* she hits him, skating backwards, flies over and lands on his frail 6 year old body

As by the grace of God he starts to push her off with the strength of 10 full-grown men, and yells loud enough for the entire rink to hear....."watch were you are going fatty!" as she picks herself up from the complete embarrassment of being "smoked" by a 6 year old, she makes her way to the other side of the rink where Dan and I are sitting, and we continue to heckle her....,"nice move wide load" "haven't gotten you daily supply of 6 year old boys? Thought you might have to take this one down by hand?", "need a wide load sign for your ass? What? I can see how that thing could get away from you!"

Oh man what a day! Well all of it was true until the last part..........................................................Dan and I were actually sitting by the coke machine!

By the Way, A Big Shout Out To Dan, My Friend, My Confidant.....oh Yeah and My Nose Breaker!

Yeah you heard it here first! Dan broke my nose, he didn't mean to, and it is straight again, thanks to my hands and a few too many viewings of "Rocky". Lot's of pain, some swelling not too mush bruising as of yet, but all is well, he feels bad, so everyone tell him it is okay!

I Could Be the Next President!

So two stories...the other night we were at this party, and this young "guy" was introduced to me, for the purpose of this story and any after this, he shall be referred to as "president guy". So my very young, hot, attractive friend had gone to little people school with president guy, and introduced us and said, "this is my friend, Terri, and Terri this is 'president guy' he wants to be the next president." And I respond with, "oh honey you have about as much luck at being president as I do, in fact how about you be my VP, and then when I am shot after two weeks for being 'a gay', you can take over...then you will have you two weeks of fame!" Yeah big 'mo, don't know if he knows it yet, but give him some time.... Today I single handedly managed to get 7 totally uninvolved people in a four state range completely pissed at each other. If that's not a promising presidential candidate I don't know what is!

Speaking of Porn Queens!!!!

So here I am at my sister's friends' place, and God help me if it ever takes me more than three minutes to get ready! Sometimes I hate girls! Anywho, not much to say but I did just look up porn on some random girl's computer! Go me!

okay long awaited.....

I am bored, the fourth was a blast, the fireworks at the lake were amazing, I still had a longing for an Army Celebration, maybe next year, Dan is home safe and sound, all the kids have their fingers and toes, I start new Chili's tomorrow, lots of shifts scheduled, but other than that it should be okay, way closer to home, and a few cool people. That was a long ass run-on sentence.

Okay so I was supposed to send an e-mail about Chi-town, so I figure I would post instead. Chicago, things to do, check out boys town! It is the gay Mecca of Chicago, lots of cool bars (Spin, Charlies, etc), some shopping and some eaters You will wanna take the red line north to the Belmont or Addison Exit (I recommend Belmont) then you take a right off of the "L" and follow it to Halstead (3 blocks).

Food:
Ed Debevik's: not sure the exact location but you can type it in an find it,
Exchequer: pizza great food, south on Wabash, between congress and van burean, if I remember correctly it is right off the "L" loop and the orange and purple lines have a stop almost directly in front of the restaurant.
Potbelly sandwiches: a great sandwich shop, they are a chain, you can find them all over.
Shaws: a seafood place, a little on the high-end, but the clam chowder is worth the price.
Portello's: an Italian beef place, not bad, but definitely a touristy place, I would recommend Jay's: I am not sure where they are located, but there are only about three of them and mostly up north around O'Hare sub-burbs.

Things to-do:
Hit Navy Pier, it's free to roam around and full of touristy things to do. If you want to go up the Sear's tower....don't, I mean you can, but a much better view comes from the Handcock center. If you plan on doing touristy things check out the tourist pass, you get admission to like five of Chicago's greats for $50 or something like that. Check out a cubby's game, you can get a good ticket for like $30, but it is mostly an ambiance thing (you can also take the redline all the way north to Wrigley). Grant park, definitely a place to wander around. There are always cultural fair and food happenings in the great city of Chicago, that will be cheap and fun. My best advice, Chicago has a tourist pass for all CTA lines, it basically is a five day pass for all buses and "L" lines for $18, so basically you take the "L" or bus five times in five days and it pays for itself.

Anyway I hope that helps, and you enjoy Chicago!

It's been fun and it's been real, but it ain't been real fun!

So as of right now I have finished my last morning shift at Chilis Okaview! Hell yeah I am finito with that place....

I got this warning last night from a buddy of mine, he works at the Crossroads Chilis, the one I am transferring to. Apparently they have had problems with sexual harassment, and there is this girl that works there, keep in mind that she is under 18 and dating someone that is over 22, but apparently I said something to her boyfriend, when I was in eating as a customer, about how she was hot, and she was offended! What is wrong with these people? I mean if you are hot I will let you know, whether you are male/female whatever, beautiful people should know that they are hot.

There is such a rush in this country of how everyone is doing something wrong....Why if I give someone a compliment, they see it as a come-on, please honey what people need to realize is to quit being such pansy asses, and suck it up. Oh and by the way, with the resignation of Justice O'Connor, please pray for our very conservative supreme court, before you know it they will be hanging, drawing, and quartering the queers.

First they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the Homosexuals,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Homosexual.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists,
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me. -Rev. Niemoller

Everything has an effect on you, so take a stand, because before you know it, it might be too late!