Praise the Good Lord!

It is official! The clerics have come together to fight a common cause! They are uniting, to bring the many different views on religion into one unstoppable force...they have chosen their enemies methodically, plotting their attack, keeping an Eveready eye on those trying to recruit for the side of Satan! Here is a link to the news story I hope you enjoy!

http://cbsnewyork.com/mideast/mideast_story_090093117.html

Click on the above link and then click on the first news story from the NYT (Clerics Fighting a Gay Festival for Jerusalem). I am having problems linking directly to the NYT page!

This is not homo land, it is the holy land!

Abdel Aziz Bukhari, a Sufi sheik, added: "We can't permit anybody to come and make the Holy City dirty. This is very ugly and very nasty to have these people come to Jerusalem." God forbid the thousands of years of pain and suffering in the region, caused by religious warfare! You have to keep the Holy City safe from the queers!

"That is something new I've never witnessed before, such an attempt to globalize bigotry," said Hagai El-Ad, the executive director of Jerusalem Open House, a gay and lesbian group that is the host for the festival. "It's quite sad and ironic that these religious figures are coming together around such a negative message." Hey, the homos are just doing their part to continue the push of the religious tradition of hatred...hmmm is that what "their God" teaches?...."I thought love your neighbor"...was kind of a major playing point in the Christian belief!

He said he had first heard about WorldPride from a congregation member who had told Mr. Giovinetti that he was gay for many years and still monitored gay Web sites. Mr. Giovinetti said he alerted Israeli politicians and religious leaders. Yeah um about that...I was black for a time, and then I was a man, oh yeah did I mention that I was club footed, cleft lipped and had horrible sight! And then one day...BAM ! I was cured! whoo thank god because I don't know if I could live with that whole club foot situation! Okay lets think about this, the fool was gay, and then he wasn't...oh but wait he still "monitored gay sites" uh huh! sure you "were gay". This man was, is, and forever will be a raging homosexual, just because he was shamed into hiding and bitter about his life, he felt the need to rat out those who are striving for equality...shame on you...you former gay! I am sure we didn't want you on our team anyway!

Another American who helped bring together the opposition was Rabbi Yehuda Levin, of the Rabbinical Alliance of America, which says it represents more than 1,000 American Orthodox rabbis. At the news conference in Jerusalem, he called the festival "the spiritual rape of the Holy City." He said, "This is not the homo land, this is the Holy Land." Nope the homo-land is a ride at Michael Jackson's Neverland...the spiritual rape huh? That's funny, that sounds a lot like the crusades, or ethnic cleansing, or jihad...maybe the breeders have had enough shots at fucking things up. Maybe if people stop being so damn afraid of anything just a tad bit different from themselves, maybe they could open their eyes and realize that those "homos" that are so different from themselves, want the same stuff in life...A loving home, healthy family and safe world for their next generation to grow up in!

Dan what do you say about heading to Jerusalem and tearing it up?! Sounds like maybe we could get our heads beat in by a few clerics...By the way I have cut out the picture and put it up in my room!

I never thought I would live to see the day...

Something happened yesterday...which I knew, sometime before I died, I would have the not-so-pleasurable chance to experience. People tell you things, about how they have never done this or done that...and it blew my mind, because I thought that everyone slipped up once in awhile. I don't know I guess deep down I thought that maybe for once I wouldn't have to feel uneasy and disgusted by what happened. I know many of you out there are wondering..."well, what the hell happened?!"...and some of you already know! I don't know a polite way to describe it...it was atrocious, yet hilarious, like I said something that I thought I would learn about, let alone be there to witness it!....

















so last night.....














I was walking out of the computer center...(what danni did you think this was gonna be about you?)...and apparently my mo-jo has been off or something, because I went to walk up this incline to a set of about five stairs. Around stair number 2, I caught the tip of my toe, stubbing and losing balance...from here it was such a flurry of events that I am not sure if this is the correct order or not...After the split second it took my toe nerves to register the war of stabbing pain being waged by the concrete stair, I tottered and for that brief moment thought, I had saved myself from complete embarrassment...was I wrong. As my weight shifted once more I tumbled forward reaching for the hand-rail to catch myself, while trying not to slam my left hand, and cell phone, into the waiting concrete wrecking block. At this time, my upper body is about parallel to the waiting stairs...shit!... my knee slams into the corner of the next step...my left hand (and cell phone) scraping across the top of the case, meanwhile the last ditch effort of grabbing for the rail misses, but it didn't miss in a way that I just fell onto my knees and hands....no that would be too simple....I missed, but simultaneously wrapping my right arm around the rail and slamming the inside of my elbow into the cold steel prefabricated column. The right side of my body, now hinged around the hand rail, scrapes my hand and knee across the cement, until I come to rest...I learned about this a long time ago...The law of inertia, a body will stay in motion or rest until it is acted upon by another greater force...well my body swung around that hand rail until my head found a greater force...aka the cement post that held the rail in place. That is right folks I managed to not only hit my left hand and knee but also to scrape them up, while also bruising my right inside elbow, and obtaining a large lump on my forehead! What would be the first thing you would do?...Nope didn't do it! I got up and walked to my car while laughing and continuing my conversation. It wasn't until later and early this morning when I felt the true pain of the fall...it sucks getting old!

So if you ever say that no, something like this has never and will never happen to you...be careful for what you wish for...I got knocked the "shuck" out! (Thank you to the age old classic..."Friday" if you haven't seen it, we may not be able to be friends anymore!)

Wanna know what I just found out?...

So my lovable friend and co-conspirator Josh, keeps a Live Journal, which I being his "super best friend" (I think he said that for the "photo op") read on a regular basis. So Josh adds these little quizzes, which I like to take. Well in the last three minutes I have discovered that I am 20% pure, only ranking more pure than 4% of other females my age, I am a deviant, I think is what it said. I also took a Greek God test, I am Hercules, which if I remember my Greek mythology correctly, is actually the Roman name for the Greek god Heracles. Besides that point, I do not think that Hercules was a god, I think he was mortal with god like powers, I know he was the son of Zeus and a mortal...did he obtain "Greek God-ness"? I don't know, wish my grandma would read this, she would know! Oh and by the way do you know what Molybdenum is? Apparently I am that element, which is sad because I have never heard of it before today, (and I did take a lot of chemistry courses) but I did find out that molybdenum is "like the miracle worker in the princess bride"...anyway here are some websites check them out and a big thank you to Josh! ]
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=10462132396003208006 This is the Element one

http://quizilla.com/users/truly-dippy/quizzes/%3F%3F%20Which%20Of%20The%20Greek%20Gods%20Are%20You%20%3F%3F This one is for the Greek Gods

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17359692280546572367 My favorite the sexual purity test...maybe I am a slut?! Oh wait I can't help it if I am hot!

Shout out to the homies...

Okay so lets start this one out by saying, "Thanks to my readers! If you are commenting keep them coming (even if your wife gets mad! because you don't post on your family blog) if you are not...I will name you if I must...you better get your lazy asses to school or work or off of the couch a little more so you can read and be entertained by this little thing I call life!

Where to start...I wrote something the other day...it was raw and unrefined and quite frankly I don't think the world is ready for it yet. So maybe a few more weeks and there will be gut ripping comments posted...that would just make me smile. Oh things that made me smile today...I had this table today (for those of you who don't know I am a server or waitress or grub slinger, I'm not about being PC...so why should you have to be!) Anyway total &itch (trying to keep it PG for the little ones) just rude and bad attitude, apparently it reflected in myself. Because she called a bit later and said that she had left her day planner there and wondered if anyone had found it. Well I took the usual info, "what color is it?, what was the name in the planner?, where were you sitting?, and who was your server?" and this is what she said to me..."I was sitting on the left side of the restaurant, by the windows, I don't know who our server was, but she was a bigger girl, with a bad attitude, she was just sort of rude..." Hmmm sound familiar to anyone...yup ding ding ding tell her what she has won Johnny! Yeah so the bitch (forget PG) who had this mightier-than-thou attitude has the audacity to say I had a bad attitude!

Let me tell you something folks, when in a restaurant, do not in any way, shape, or form piss off a restaurant worker...especially when she holds the content of your life in a little 6 in. X 6 in. binder of fake leather. If you have never worked in the restaurant business, this coming from a person who has over 5 long years in the service industry...we have unimaginable powers. The "telephone affect" (or is it effect) that goes on with a rude table is unbelievable! Within seconds I will know about the shitty assholes at table 25 when I am on the other side of the restaurant. There are actually websites that allow servers to list bad tippers. I have refused a table because they were jerks the last time they came to the restaurant. Servers make about $2.00 an hour, our jobs are a dime a dozen so if you piss us off bad enough we will retaliate, because we know we can go across the street to Applebees, or Lone Star, or Red Lobster and get a job...it is an endless circle. So think about that the next time you blame the server for the undercooked steak that I am so sure they had a hand in, or you send back your french fries because they have seasoning and you didn't tell us that you didn't want the seasoning. Give us a heads up, tell us what you want in advance so then when you get your food, we don't have to waste three trips to the kitchen trying to get all the extra crap that you "forgot to ask for" We are your servers...not your servants! Treat us with a little respect and realize that that bad attitude that you see on our face might just be a reflection of you!

Because I really have no choice...

Okay so I was told by a little birdie that I have not mentioned a certain someone in my blog, as if this gets read by hundreds of people...who am I kidding, I am very popular! So here's to you Danielle, "mon petite cochan"! You are the apple of my eye, the laughter of my life, "You make me a better person", I am the luckiest person alive to be able to see your beautiful face everyday, you are my one and only...(is that good enough yet? I'm running out of flattering things to say)...no but for real, here is my shout out!

Frank buddy ole pal ole buddy. Happy belated birthday, I finally got everything unpacked and now I am in the process of re-packing it into a box to send to you. Yes I did get you a birthday present...Am I not just the coolest?! I also just got caught up on my blog reading, so I hope the teeth and the back is doing well.

Things that made me laugh today...

I am taking a break from my studies...and I had many comments...*Kiki* um let's keep them to a minimum of 6 per day okay? Let me make a few corrections first...Apparently someone has their panties in a bunch because I called it St. Paddy's day...well I am an American and basically because my country rules the world I can call it whatever the hell I want...(but because I want to be a diplomat someday...keyword someday...I shall henceforth dub thee St. Patty's day. Diana, you have gone down in my blog...oh by the way, Patty is a derivative of Patricia, or in my case it is, and that just makes a day of drinking green beer and scratching yourself seem too feminine!)

Kiki~As far as the Atlantic...you can have it, I wouldn't want something that took the titanic...I don't like whores...okay well you got me there! :) Um, it might be bigger but the North Sea could kick the Atlantic's butt! Whoo whoo! Okay so that was totally unproductive, but hey back to studies I go. Keep the comments coming, soon we will get in depth and dirty. So hang on for the ride, I will piss you off soon enough!

Tired of ranting

Well my trip was a blast, and while I would love to be in Europe, mind, body, and spirit, I am home now. So back to real life I must go, whistling or not, work must be done. Although, I should be doing some catching up on homework and studying for my Italian test, I am here on the web, bitching, moaning, complaining, about how much I don't want to do it. If I only put as much effort into what I need to do, as what I wish I could do. But doesn't everyone?!!

Think about it, would you be reading this if there was something better to do? TV, time with the family, time with friends? No, you would be doing that, because honestly most of you are out there, avoiding homework, your job, your family...your life...to read this. While I appreciate the flattery, I know there is something else that must be done, so here is my vow...This is my website, my blog, my life. It is what I see and how I perceive it (or rather what I think I perceive it as). So I will not waste your time with bullshit, I will not lie to appease the millions (or the three of you that actually read) This is my world welcome to it!

Ah my First Time...Sort of!

Welcome to my first time...of blogging that is. I just found out recently what a "blog" was and for those of you that are wondering also...*Mom*...here is an explanation. "'Blog' is short for Web log, which can be anything from a news site to an online journal. Blogs allow you to instantly publish your thoughts and ideas from anywhere.


People all over the world have blogs. It's a fun and easy way to keep in touch with your friends, post links to interesting webpages, or just record your thoughts." I will be keeping this because as I have gotten older, and way popular I basically just don't have time to keep in touch... okay, okay, okay I admit it I just want to be cool like everyone else I know! So sit back and enjoy....The World According to T

T Does Europe

So it is day four on my trip to Belgium to see my friend Dan. And well, I will start at the beginning...I started my "escapade" Wednesday morning at 5:00 I was supposed to be picked up by 7:30 and then off to the airport. We arrived, a little late, mainly because I had a last minute thought on leaving behind my stash of Maxim, but in the end the "educational" books prevailed...unfortunately! So we stopped at this little airport bar called "The Hanger" and had some breakfast, I highly recommend staying away from this place being that it sucked and the waitress was a bitter old, cat loving witch! However, if you were to eat at "The Hanger" I might seriously have to think about our friendship and why it was that you went to eat at a place like that....you might need help! So onward and upward....I went through security after leaving my friends behind, of course it was, "I will miss you Terri, bring me back something cool"...my friends love me :) Oh yeah did I mention that whenever I leave the city of Omaha I am stripped searched, and like any other time, this one was no let down. Yup, down to my undershirt and almost boxers. Opened my bags, I guess they had a hard time deciphering what the 12 cans of Mountain Dew were for. That's right I am gonna take this plane down with my 12-pack! If you don't do what I tell you, I will throw this at you...really really really hard! So after putting my clothes back on I found my gate, which was a womping 3 steps away, and sat waiting for my plane to leave.


So I boarded my flight to Minneapolis, it as a nice short 45 minute flight, I had a little old lady sitting one seat away from me. I had plenty of room, so I thought man if this is an indication of what's to come I have it made...um yeah about that. Let's just say that is gets way more interesting. We landed and it was then that I realized that I had, oh about 5 and a half hours to kill in Minneapolis, what the hell was I thinking, when I picked this flight? So cut to one hour later while I am still wandering around the airport, when I hear the sound of angels and a bright light from above shines down upon my beckoning...there it is right in front of me, my safehold, the one place I know inside and out....a Chilis. Yes, I did, I stopped for lunch, oh it made my day, because leaving Omaha I was worried that I would not be eating at Chilis for quite sometime. But all the uneasy emotions that ran through my head that short flight were appeased by my philly 86 shrooms, and bells, sub cup1 of encha. Home sweet home! After lunch I headed to my gate to sit and read for about three hours.


Cut to boarding, I found my seat and sat, I was next to the window so I couldn't complain, the seat next to me was taken by a older lady that was going to Ireland for two weeks. The only way I knew this was because I read through her pamphlet she had been studying, God forbid I talk to her. I decided that I really like traveling by myself, I don't have to listen to anyone cry about God only knows and I can do whatever I want, except leave my bags unattended in an airport. Imagine one fat kid, a backpack and a heavy carry-on, full of mountain dew...in a bathroom stall...not a happy camper.


So I start looking at the map and think, wow this will be cool I have never flown over an ocean before...yeah about that. Apparently the airlines don't fly straight over the ocean, something to do with, well there might be an emergency landing. So at that point I actually thought about removing my dangerous Mountain Dew from the carry-on and putting the pedal to the metal and seeing what that 737 could really do. Snap back to reality, they would just laugh at me and my 12-pack. Okay so cut to two passes of the beverage cart, and a pretty decent meal when I think man I have been here forever, I should get up and move about (mom warned about those damn blood clots) I asked the stewardess about how long we had been in the air and she responded with, "oh about two hours and ten minutes" at that point I honestly thought I was going to pull the hatch on the door and jump out. But I figured what the hell, I can do this so I went back to my seat and fell asleep, for what I hoped would be the last remaining six or so hours.


Two hours later I woke up over Greenland...back to sleep...two hours later I woke up over Ireland...back to sleep....then I wok up to the scary little lady next to me hovering over me like Gollum over Frodo, asking if I wanted my fruit cup....my precious....okay scary. After recovering from my Lord of the Rings incident I woke up to find we would be in Amsterdam in about an hour. So I watched the little plane on the screen fly across the North Sea for the next 45 minutes before I had to get up and walk around, it was enough to drive a person crazy! So I land and meander off the plane, thinking I have about an hour or so to make it to my connection...um yeah Amsterdam airport is huge, and well it took me about 45 minutes to make it to my gate. So I get there and realize that they are making people check their bags if they are too big. Having mountain Dew and all I needed my carry-on to stay in a pressurized compartment, so it was like Mission Impossible with my carry-on, cue music.... so needless to say I boarded a bus which was supposed to take me to my plane. And let me tell you if you are ever supposed to board a bus that will take you to your plane...you are in trouble.


My plane, was called a city hopper, why...well because it did just that from Amsterdam to London, Brussels, Dublin, and the like. Did I happen to mention that it had two props and a staff of one. Yeah the flight attendant kept running to the cockpit, changing her hat into her pilot's hat, apparently when the auto pilot beeps three times it is a bad sign. Did you know there are no fat people in Europe, well okay I lied I did see one at the airport, but I think he was a king or something because they were carrying him around on this bangquette (sp?) thing. So trust me when I say that the people of the flight and I were eyeing each other suspiciously. I was thinking how many of them I would have to throw out if we were a little heavy and they were thinking how may of them it would take to throw the fat American kid out. Trust me I was not worried, I could have taken all twelve of them. So I moved the chicken crate off of my fold down seat, and settled in. It did seem as the legs of my trip progressed the seats did seem to get smaller...Europe and fat people.


Here is where it gets good, and trust me I know many of you were wondering when it would... so I board the last leg of my flight, and I get all settled, when someone starts yelling in the back of the plane. I am thinking that he is just mad at his wife/child/business partner and ignore him. Next thing I know the man is screaming and doing this middle eastern battle cry...so I get interested. I look in the back and realize that there are three armed security agents escorting a handcuffed criminal. So then everyone is pissed and wants to know why they were not informed and blah blah blah. I just want my picture taken with criminal guy and the agents. I am laughing, and enjoying my time, thinking that if I am gonna die, I am gonna die might as well live it up. The criminal guy still yelling in the back, all of a sudden he is muffled, I think the agents slammed his face into the seat in front of them...The guy next to me looks at me and the only English he knows which I assume is from movies is, "he be drink too muck" so I nod and pretend like I know what the hell he is talking about and say, "yeah I am sure" so then I go back to laughing and listening to the agents slap him around.

So that was the first 15 hours of my trip I hope you enjoyed it. There is way more to come!

Did you know there are no fat people in Europe?

So to continue, my plane rides here were, to say the least interesting. Between the Ireland lady, the Middle Eastern criminal (I do want to let everyone know that he was mid-eastern, from uhh...like the United Arab Emirates or something like that) Anyway so I get off at Brussels and I was so excited until I realized that nothing was in English...so I looked at the pictures...let me take a minute to thank my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Rogers, for ensuring that I knew what a door, and a piece of luggage looked liked. Because honestly if I had not known I might still be in the airport. Apparently some people didn't learn that in kindergarten, sucks to be them. By the way they were all the people that were stuck at the "securityé" desk...

So I wander my way out of the Terminal, right past the customs people, thinking, "do I have to stop?" Well I didn't they just sort of eyed me thinking to themselves, "must be an American" Trust me I stick out like a sore thumb here, but it is fun because I have decided that European people cannot stare and hide it. Not like Americans where they are all slick about it, nope they just stare and then when you look back they turn away. So I get out there, and where is Dan? beats me the damn kid isn't there, so me being the resourceful person I am head to the train station, thinking either his train is late or he got stuck in Liege. So I got all puffy and big, and was like, "shit I can make it to Liege if I have to"...yeah so the train lady, didn't speak a lick of English...so after I got done cowering in the corner, I went back to the terminal to look for some internet access, thinking maybe he had e-mailed me. So as I sit down to hook up, I see a tall bald kid looking around with this look of fear on his face...Pansy! So I walk towards him and we meet eyes and it was like The Sound of Music all over again, except in the Brussels airport and the clothes and there was no singing, or crying or....okay so it was nothing like The Sound of Music, but hey this is my blog right?!

So we get to the train and get on it towards Liege, and let me tell you if you have never been out of country...go to Iowa it looks the same! No shit! So we arrive here and Dan takes me to where I have to get my bus pass. So we get my pass and wait for a bit, he is explaining what I need to do if I get lost or go out on my own. The bus arrives, we board, and I being the pompous American, and really have no public transportation experience other than Chicago, was caught off guard, and well I gave those people a good laugh for the day. The bus took off, and I was thrown backwards into this little lady, who instinctively curled into a ball and the bus changed gears pushing me back towards my original spot, but already being off balance I swerved into this other lady who was bent over putting something in her bag, I instinctively grabbed for the pole, but missed and accidentally grabber her head. The bus coming to another slower paced threw me backwards again, which flung me again but being a little nimbler than before I stopped myself by grabbing a bar overhead. Just when I thought it was safe, the asshole of a bus driver changed gears throwing me into Dan, who then turned around as to say, "are you okay?" Yeah apparently he had not seen anything because some little lady wanted to sit down in the seat he was standing by and he was trying to move out of the way....so he missed the pinball version of moi! Again been in country for a little over an hour and the people of Liege think I am a hilarious moron! Thanks!

Do you wanna know why there are no fat people?

okay so where did I leave off...oh right the, its what the locals are calling the, "bus incident". So we get back to Dan's place, well I guess I wouldn't call it a place, so much as I would a......hmmm.....oh right a closet! Just kidding, sort of, it is basically a dorm room. Not that I am complaining....okay you are right I am bitching just a little, but it is cool I am in Belgium. So I told Dan that I want to shower and grab a bite then we can go out and explore. He does preface the shower idea with, you know its small.

Apparently, my idea of small, vs. Dan's idea of small are different, of course he is a skinny euro-chic "manly man" now. So I get to the shower facilities, this would be the time when I would spice up the story and tell you that the shower is outside or someplace cool but its not, the shower is down the hall. Think dorms....so I enter the little room thinking oh this is not too bad, then the fear of God is put into me, and that screeching sound from Psycho enters my head....ehhhh....ehhhh....ehhhh.....um yeah the little 3ft x 4ft space that I entered, it was the "holding area. The showers...let's just say that we are lucky my chest doesn't get caught on the shower head when I turn around.

So shower complete, I get ready and we are off on my first tour of the city. I just want to preface the next few days' entries with, I play the dumb American quite well...so Dan and I jump the bus and take it to the heart of Liege. Me asking questions, again unslick European people staring. For being the biggest tourist city in French speaking Belgium, they really do not accommodate to any other language. So we get off at the tourist center, and Dan runs to get me a map, and there it is my beckon of Liege, my first architectural wonder up close. I told Dan that I wanted to go in, he responded with, "um okay I think you have to be important to get in there, they have security, I tried once before." So we walked into the building, and into the courtyard, and let me tell you if you have not seen XXX with Vin Diesel, I kid you not this place looked just like the bad guys palace. So we walked through security, and nothing was said, and trust me the one thing my mom said before leaving..."Don't get arrested!" Now I want you to remember those words they will come back to haunt me. So we walk through security, which by the way was a shack with some ugly chick doing the security, and there in the corner of the yard is this door, that people are going in and out. I tell Dan that we should go in and we do, where Dan proceeds to tell the nice gentleman at the desk that I am his American friend, which in English translate to, "look at this stupid person from America" and I would like to see the courtyard. So he lets us pass, but tells us that we can only look through the windows...so we go to the windows and sneak upstairs, look through some file cabinets, and jimmy our way into this judge's office....okay so we didn't go through the filing cabinets, but let me tell you that floor had not seen a fat person in hundreds of years, the way it squeaked and moaned, damn I really thought I was going through the floor. So we left the "court house" is what we determined it was, only after taking some provocative pictures on the three Mazarattis out front.

We are off again, I tell Dan that I would like to see an old Church and the rest I was fair game for. He proceeds to tell me of this WWII monument, so I agree and we are off. Now if you are fat and hang with skinny people you know where I am coming from, if you are skinny, you are as clueless as Alicia Silverstone (aka Condoleeza Rice...hey I had to get some political banter in here!) Apparently when Dan was telling me about the monument he forgot to tell me about the 350 stairs leading to it, now doing some rough calculations in my head that comes up to 35 flights of stairs, roughly about 17 floors....okay one I don't walk 17 floors worth of stairs in a week let alone one day, and two I love the WWII vets and all of the sacrifices that they made, but for crap sakes, are you kidding me?!...but then something (okay someone) caught my eye, and we were off! About 30 minutes later and a heartrate of 185 we were there, beautiful view and all. I do have to mention that as we were walking to the monument we came across a street with a bus stop just behind the statue...Thanks Dan!

So we caught the view of Liege, it was definitely worth the heavy breathing and aching quads. We started heading back down and about halfway into it, I start feeling a little uneasy, my legs were a little shaky..."Dan if I go down..." "Don't worry Terri I will catch you." "Um no, I was gonna say if I go down I will meet you at the bottom." "The benches will stop you from going too far" Like I said before Dan is a skinny euro-chic guy now, so at this point I am thinking that if I lose my step and fall that I am tucking and rolling, because hell, lets face it we all know that I do not want to go down the remaining 17 flights, and the rolling will be a lot less painful for everyone involved.

The rest of the day we walked around Liege and grabbed a bite to eat at this Chinese restaurant. Dan explained some of the idiosyncrasies(sp?) of the Belgium people and other than that we just hung out. Went back to his "place" and crashed. I was so tired at one point Dan had been talking to me on the bus and I had actually fallen asleep. 36 hours awake and traveling, makes a girl tired. So there you have it, day one of my trip out of the country. Enjoy and come back soon.

Day 2: Lost in Liege

Dan and I had made plans to meet in Liege and travel to Brussels after his class. He woke up early to go to school...okay well not exactly early if you know my buddy Dan you know that he does not wake up any earlier than he has to, and for those of you who don't...cut to 9:35 and Dan has to be in class at 10:00. So he leaves me a map...of Liege...on a chair...with a note....in french...thanks Dan! So I woke up early...and fell back asleep, I mean hell I had been up for 36 hours the day(s) before. I dressed quickly and got to the bus station, only to be stared at by the 5 year old...I love being an American! I jumped the bus and rode to an exit I was familiar with, I headed toward, what I thought was the supposed meeting place. Note to self, if you are going to leave a note, on a map, for a friend (you really do like) use a Post-It. I happened to get lost and find my way back to the main drag of Liege, only to try to find someone to ask where to go. I went to a little mart off a side street, totally reminded me of Diagon Alley, and in my broken horrible accent I asked the man if he spoke any English, he sort of grunted and pointed to a woman in the corner. And let me tell you, between her skill at sharades(sp?) and my guessing ability, I understood that I needed to take a right out of the store, follow the street to the chicken vendor, and take another right at the donkey house. Well I don't know if it was her sharades or my guesses, but there is no donkey house or chicken vendor...(according to Dan: except on Sundays) but I did find my way to the square, or the Carré. Which led me to the university...where I got lost....again! So I wandered around looking for a place on the map, that I didn't know existed, because they don't use Post-Its in Belgium.

An hour later I decided that Dan had been back to the apparently and was waiting for me, or at the train station. So I jumped on the bus and took it to the train station, only to find....no Dan. Off to the apartment it was...the bus was swamped, and I could barely fit, so I squeezed on. There was a man on the bus, and Dan had told me about the Police that check your passes, I had forgotten mine, and being the pompous American ass I didn't want to pay for another one. So I eyed that man like a hawk deciding that when he moved I was jumping train (bus). Well about three stops before mine, the man moved...I jumped out of my seat to get off at the next stop, and as I had already pushed the stop button, I turned to see him scratching his leg...false alarm. Well I had pushed the button, so I was gonna have to get off. My stop just happened to be in the middle of nowhere, on a mountain, about 2:30 in the afternoon. I walked to the next stop, thinking I could catch the next bus coming by...about 10 minutes later it appeared on the horizon like my saving grace. As the doors opened what do I see to my surprise...and his...was Dan! He said, "Hello", I responded, with a, "hi" and we were off to the house...he looked at me and said, "I have one question for you...how did you wind up here, in the middle of nowhere...?" "Dan it is a long story and someday I will tell you." (when he reads my blog) so we laughed about it for about an hour and then off to Brussels, but that will have to wait for another time. Hope you are enjoying my world!

Belgium, its only two hours across the entire country!

Where were we, oh yes, Day two...and this one is a hoot let me tell you. Dan and I jump a train to Brussels, but only after I have acted like a Neaderthal and grunted at the...get this...sandwichiere shop lady, for a damn club sandwich. Apparently it was at this point in my trip where I decided that I would let Dan order for me and I would just hand over the cash. Eating my sandwich, being stared at, and walking all at the same time is difficult for a kid who can't talk on the phone and watch TV...trust me its one or the other...so if I am talking to you, you better listen for the TV, because if it is on there is only one thing I am paying attention to....

So off to Brussels we are, on the train enjoying my second, rather short train ride in Belgium, thinking man these train systems are good! (Get a sense of foreboding?) Anyway we are off at Brussels, the central station wander around, we were both hungry so after doing a little sight-seeing we stop at this pita shop, and an ice cream place, and a frites place...I said we were hungry! By the way I wanna give a shout out to the owners of PITA PITA, you make one hell of a Pita Formage! Here are a few places that I would totally recommend seeing in Brussels...The Grand Place, the King's Palace, the Old English house, and the L'Homo Erectus...yeah I said it...L'Homo Erectus This was one of the many gay bars that call Brussels their home, however...apparently "lesbians don't exist" in Brussels. Dan and I laughed, the guy wanted us to come into a strip show, I think he just wanted Dan to show off his Euro chic body! We settled for a nice Irish pub. On our way home, Dan bought a scarf. We made it to the train station at like 9:30 only to find our train leaving late to Liege, we decided to head home. Now let me preface this by saying that Belgium is only 250 miles long, about two hours across the entire country. Liege to Brussels is about a 45 minute drive. It took us from Brussels to Liege about 2hours and 30 minutes...why you may ask, well apparently our train decided that I should see the whole of Belgium...it looks like Iowa. I have seen it trust me.

Back in Liege, the buses were done running for the night, and to be nice, Dan hailed a cab, so I wouldn't have to hoof it up a mountain in my heels...wait who am I kidding...I don't wear heels! So remember that bus stop that Dan found me at earlier in the day...we stopped there, because the cabbie was costing us an arm and a leg. So as we stop, the door opens and some random dude, jumps in the car, and asks if he could be taken somewhere. Dan looked back at me as if to say, "Terri did you make a friend?" and I looked back thinking, "Man I have so seen this on Worst Case Scenarios...all I have to do is punch him in the nose...wait that was if a shark attacks...Damn it what do I do in Belgium if a random guy gets into my cab, oh yeah I forgot...I am twice his size I could totally kick his ass!" Well that was day two, again I hope it is staying interesting, at least I am having fun, so the rest of you can just get bent!

Ahh...Flemish is that the same as Finnish?

Today we were supposed to....keyword-supposed to....get up early and make our way to Amsterdam. Day three of my trip, I have seen all of Belgium, Liege included. Dan learned from a "source" that it would be cheaper to travel to the coast, and then to Amsterdam, since it is closer...well source, here is my two fingered salute! We woke up late, and got going, we were headed to Oostand which is right on the North Sea, by the way, the North Sea and the Atlantic Ocean are different...Christine you can have the Atlantic, I have the North Sea...*wink wink*

So we arrived in Oostand, and if you ever want to see the fear of God in someone's face, take them to a place where they speak Flemish. You can catch some of the words, but then the language takes a whole other direction...welcome to Holland! We walked around Oostand, reminded me of a smaller version of Seattle. Bought a poule(pronounced poo-hul...think french!) It was a bit cooler on the coast, had some frites and jumped train to Amsterdam, where in about 4 hours we would be in Amsterdam...Hey source, thanks for the outstanding idea! From Liege it would have only taken about 2 hours 30 minutes instead of six. These trains not looking like such a good idea still...

First stop, Antwerp...nothing interesting, lots of jewelry stores, thought that was weird! *wink wink* So we get off the train, it had been a few minutes late, and Dan with the long legs he has, starts walking...fast. I am trying to keep up, but I am trying to fit in and the Europeans don't run, its kind of like the British and not brushing their teeth, its a cultural thing! So Dan is about 30 yards in front of me (for those of you not in the states about 45 meters) and he has looked at the departure board, and is heading towards our train. The whistle blows, for those of you that have never ridden a train (Hogwarts Express excluded, because those train conductors are way nicer...trust me we looked at taking the Hogwarts Express but it would have cost like 8 galleons, 5 sickles and 1 knut) anyway as Dan is sprinting for the train I maintain that the train will not leave without me, I am Terri. I have one thing to say... If it weren't for Dan throwing his body in front of the closing doors so I could catch up we would have never made it to Amsterdam. I own Dan a beer...and a bunch of ice! Well let's say that we made it to Amsterdam about 8:00 pm but the rest of the night will have to wait until later...I need to get ready for my next Belgian experience....I don't know how much more I can take....

Have you ever wondered what was illegal in Amsterdam...I found it!

Dan and I arrived in Amsterdam about 8:00 pm, but only after watching a guy get ticketed and almost arrested! We felt responsible, because we both decided to use the "facilities" on the train before we stopped in Amsterdam. The guy had been hiding in the train bathroom, and as we were waiting for him to get out, the conductor came by to check tickets and forced the man out. They "argued" about the train ticket and where it "might be". Then the man got ticketed! Moron, apparently the dumbass could maintain a proper ticket! Anyway we jumped train and headed toward the city.

We had made a list on the train of what we wanted to make sure that we did, which included, but was not limited to the red-light district, a bicycle ride with a baguette, and a royale with cheese (by the way that's a quarter pounder). We grabbed a bite at Sbarro right out of the train station and headed toward the district, so many lights, and bars and naked women! We figured that about 90% of the "tourists" were men, the rest were with their "boyfriends" or "husbands". The only single women that we saw were working...in the bars...in the cafes and in the "windows". So while we took it all in and decided where to go first........................................... then Dan said, "....................................................", but then ........................................................., and I was so mad that I ............................. You would not have believed what happened next,....... then,................................................................... At that point we decided to just wait for the next train. About two hours later we were cold, wet, and tired, and the train finally showed.

Instead of riding all the way to the coast we rode the train to Antwerp, where we were gonna use the "Go Pass" which allows us to travel through Belgium using that pass. So we hit Antwerp and off to Brussels, we both passed out as soon as we hit the seats, Dan being able to speak french had to pay more attention than I, so when the conductor came by to check the tickets, I passed back out. Next thing I know the lady wanted my passport, so I hand it over, she returns it attached to a ticket. Yeah that's right I am now wanted by the Belgium government...so any of you that might want to aid in the "T does Europe" fund, in order to pay off the government of this shitty, ....I mean fine country please leave a comment! Apparently, coming from the United States I thought that drugs, prostitution, and public drunkenness was illegal, um yeah I guess it is when you accidentally mis-write your ticket. So to the wonderful conductor, of train 726 from Amsterdam to Brussels...here is my two fingered salute!

We arrived in Liege about 11:00 am and went to Dan's place where we passed out (after showering of course!...well at least I did!) I woke up about 5:30 or so and headed to town for some dinner, by myself. I hit two places, one where they spoke a little french and the other they spoke no french what-so-ever...let's just say that I didn't exactly get what I ordered! Dan and I hung out eating pitas, frites, and a few waffles, while we watched some Will and Grace....I mean Sex and the City.....um I mean we just watched some TV and recovered from Amsterdam. Kind of a boring night, but hell we needed a little TLC.

Hiding out like Anne Frank

C'mon people we all know that I am not a PC type of person, and if you didn't know that well let's just say that I can be pretty offensive, but hell I figure that people need to toughen up, none of this pussy...footing around things anymore. So read my title and learn to love it! So Monday, after Dan and I's escapades we hung out and had dinner, crashed out and woke up the next day. We decided to do laundry, it couldn't be that tough right?! Well thank God we were right about one thing, did our laundry, went to the store and Dan made me dinner...how romantic! BLAH! Whatever, Dan I love you and because I know you read this I will say, the man cannot cook, but what can you expect from a "jeuof". Love you just kidding! If that is too offensive I will remove it. No no the food was good, as well as the wine. I did not find a bottle that I did not like...and that's saying a lot since the counter looked like Kendall Jackson's distillery!

So another non interesting day, but we did finally laugh about the Amsterdam incident! Which is a good thing!

A free meal was not worth it!

So day 6, Dan and I had had enough of sitting at home and hiding from the Nazi Belgian Government, we decided to open our minds and spread our wings and take another trip to enhance my trip to Belgium. After lots of consideration and discussion...I told Dan that we were going to Brussels...again. Hey cut me some slack, I had just recovered from the most traumatic experience of my life, being stuck in a foreign country with way of communication, no means of transportation, or lodging, and the most important amenity possible...food! Okay so I lied, if you know me, which I assume all of you do since you are reading the most important thoughts that go through my head (well again that is a lie because if these are the most important thoughts then may God help us!) in this blog then you would know that being someplace where I have no money or means to communicate with people really doesn't bother me...I work at Chilis! So back to my train of thought!

Dan was to go to class then we would meet at the square, since I actually knew where I needed to be this time...Post-it...that is all I am gonna say. So he headed off to class, to what he explained was a filed trip to the aquarium. Ok yeah, I don't know about you but I stopped taking field trips back in 3rd grade, so this was only what I thought it was, an excuse to get away from me! But then I remembered the only person that loves me more than I do is Dan...so he must have really been at the "cuirs" aquarium. (That one was for you!) Anyway so I get to the square, only 10 minutes late this time, and I am watching the people walking and talking and running naked across the flower bead, when all of a sudden I hear, "Terri! Terri! hey!" and I turn around to see Dan running at me naked....ooh scary thought, okay thank the lord that he wasn't naked because I would have to bludgeon myself with this keyboard. He came up and told me that his classmates wanted to meet me, and we could do Brussels later. I agreed, because once again would I really pass up the opportunity to eat frites? Yeah no! So he took me to this lady's car that was waiting for us, and he explained that it was a lady from his class, who offered to come pick us up. You better grab a chair and relax because this is where it gets good.

So we jump in the Mitsubishi Montero, which is rare in Europe, being that it is a full size American SUV, and streets in Europe are not equipped to take this type of car...let me make a comparison, it would be like...me trying to live in a doll house. Those type of structures just don't handle the wide loads you know! So here she is jerking us around these small streets barely stopping for the Police van she almost while traveling down the wrong way on a one way street. Um yeah, at this point my survival instincts take over and I am ready to put a sleeper hold on the chick and grab the wheel. So she takes us to this parking garage, where there is barely enough room for me to walk into the garage without ducking, let alone this monstrosity of a car. But we fit, and she is killing the damn thing every two seconds, and then telling Dan how she, "loves everything American. Oh and her ex-husband lives there. Blah Blah Blah" by the way did I mention this lady does not speak a word of English! So here is Dan, and the two people in the car that speak french, "gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble" and here is me, "um cathedral, holy crap its a building...thank god she missed that one, crap the lady, watch out for the statue..." Let's cut to getting the car parked. We not only had to get out of the car before she parked because we could not open the doors once she did. Cut to 10 minutes later after she has backed up and parked six times already, cmon lady, if you love everything American, you should be pompous enough to just pull in a spot and leave it whether you are blocking three people in or not!

So we get to the frites place, and order up a couple plates. Dan had told me that everyone wanted to meet me and that there were a few that spoke really good english. Okay well my definition of good english, is a conversation that does not include NBA, Hanson, J-Lo, Lord of the Rings and the word "cuirs" um yeah, lets just say that when Europeans say that they can speak well, their conversations are limited to the above. Dan I love you, but next time....you will die!

We are done with our frites and people have left (only three people spoke to me, and this is including Dan) so we walk outside and the nice lady, who drives like a maniac is inviting us to dinner. Dan asks if I would want to go, since we were planning on going to Brussels, I like the idea of a home cooked meal, plus she said that her daughter could speak English...really well.(This was my own fault seeing that I hadn't learned my lesson as of yet. So we agreed to meet at 7:00 for dinner.

7:00 rolls around, Dan and I are waiting...have I told you that Europeans are really laid back, and 7:00 means 7:25? Well let me preface this by saying, I really did have a good time, despite the experience, and the night seemed to go on forever! So we get to her house, which is above a store that they own and run, and they are remodeling. Which I dug! The house was beautiful, very clean lines, streamlined, she introduced us to her husband and her daughter, who said," hello, do you like the NBA?" I almost grabbed the bottle of cognac and beat myself senseless. But it was a free meal right?...................................................................................................................... three hours later, after a very Polish dinner and lots of conversation, which I understood approximately three words; e-mail, pingpong, and American. Dan and I were sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and beer watching home movies of their vacations...um yeah about that! I don't want to see my home movies let alone someone else's...in a foreign language!

After some time we get ready to go, and she being the good host, wants to show me some of Liege. But at that point I wanted to go home...she tried to take us over the bridge, but it was closed, instead she took us to her old neighborhood, a good pizza place, and a bowling alley. Which she wanted to know if we had them in the states and what they looked like..."um they look like this, except the signs are of Budweiser and are in English..." I felt bad, so we sat and had a drink. Then she took us home. Thank God!

I do want to say that her hospitality was wonderful, and it was extremely nice of her to invite me into her home for a good meal. But word to all of you world travelers...if you can't speak it, don't think you will be able to stand it!

Shout out to Pita Pita!

The next, trying to make up the night before to me, Dan said that we could go to Brussels, so I was excited, I really like Brussels. It was the coolest place we had been...well okay it was the coolest place we had been while not being wanted by the Belgian government! We spent the day in Brussels, we walked all over the city, the major touristy parts and the not so touristy back alleyways. I have pictures up the ying-yang. So we spent the day walking and hanging out...and eating at Pita Pita twice... It was a very relaxed day.

On the way to Brussels we heard some people speaking English, so on our way off the train we talked to them....yeah they were twelve...and Canadian.

Anyway nothing really special happened that day. Had some good pitas and pics!

Those were bouncers?

Well my last day there was St. Patty's day. We decided to hit up the local Irish pub, and when I say the local Irish pub, I mean the place where all the Irish people go, because they didn't want to make the 45 minute trip home. Yeah I was that close...so we had some beers and heard some Irish jigs. As we were walking out, these large black men held the door open for me, so as I walked out I turned to hold the door for them thinking it was the polite thing to do. Um they just looked at me, Dan had went back inside to, "say goodbye" what the hell is that some European thing, "say goodbye"! Ha, this is me scoffing! Anyway so as these tall men are just staring at me I get uncomfortable and walk away. Let me explain what these guys looked like. Again I am not the most PC person, so basically they looked like two tall starving Ethiopians. Yes tall and skinny. Now when Dan explained that they were the bouncers, all sorts of questions ran through my head, "if you owned an Irish bar, wouldn't you want someone who was your bouncer to look like they could hold down a 98 year old Irish woman, instead of looking like they would want to borrow her purse? Or maybe someone who could stand at the door on a windy night without mysteriously disappearing? How about a bouncer that didn't have to duck to come into the bar?" I think bouncer I think short stocky wrestling looking mo-fo. You know?! I mean I am a bouncer, I could have kick the crap out of those two had I been blind, bound, gagged and naked! So yeah the thought crossed my mind that I should beat the bouncers up just to say that I had, but then I thought...You are wanted by the Belgian Government...be good!