T Does Europe

So it is day four on my trip to Belgium to see my friend Dan. And well, I will start at the beginning...I started my "escapade" Wednesday morning at 5:00 I was supposed to be picked up by 7:30 and then off to the airport. We arrived, a little late, mainly because I had a last minute thought on leaving behind my stash of Maxim, but in the end the "educational" books prevailed...unfortunately! So we stopped at this little airport bar called "The Hanger" and had some breakfast, I highly recommend staying away from this place being that it sucked and the waitress was a bitter old, cat loving witch! However, if you were to eat at "The Hanger" I might seriously have to think about our friendship and why it was that you went to eat at a place like that....you might need help! So onward and upward....I went through security after leaving my friends behind, of course it was, "I will miss you Terri, bring me back something cool"...my friends love me :) Oh yeah did I mention that whenever I leave the city of Omaha I am stripped searched, and like any other time, this one was no let down. Yup, down to my undershirt and almost boxers. Opened my bags, I guess they had a hard time deciphering what the 12 cans of Mountain Dew were for. That's right I am gonna take this plane down with my 12-pack! If you don't do what I tell you, I will throw this at you...really really really hard! So after putting my clothes back on I found my gate, which was a womping 3 steps away, and sat waiting for my plane to leave.


So I boarded my flight to Minneapolis, it as a nice short 45 minute flight, I had a little old lady sitting one seat away from me. I had plenty of room, so I thought man if this is an indication of what's to come I have it made...um yeah about that. Let's just say that is gets way more interesting. We landed and it was then that I realized that I had, oh about 5 and a half hours to kill in Minneapolis, what the hell was I thinking, when I picked this flight? So cut to one hour later while I am still wandering around the airport, when I hear the sound of angels and a bright light from above shines down upon my beckoning...there it is right in front of me, my safehold, the one place I know inside and out....a Chilis. Yes, I did, I stopped for lunch, oh it made my day, because leaving Omaha I was worried that I would not be eating at Chilis for quite sometime. But all the uneasy emotions that ran through my head that short flight were appeased by my philly 86 shrooms, and bells, sub cup1 of encha. Home sweet home! After lunch I headed to my gate to sit and read for about three hours.


Cut to boarding, I found my seat and sat, I was next to the window so I couldn't complain, the seat next to me was taken by a older lady that was going to Ireland for two weeks. The only way I knew this was because I read through her pamphlet she had been studying, God forbid I talk to her. I decided that I really like traveling by myself, I don't have to listen to anyone cry about God only knows and I can do whatever I want, except leave my bags unattended in an airport. Imagine one fat kid, a backpack and a heavy carry-on, full of mountain dew...in a bathroom stall...not a happy camper.


So I start looking at the map and think, wow this will be cool I have never flown over an ocean before...yeah about that. Apparently the airlines don't fly straight over the ocean, something to do with, well there might be an emergency landing. So at that point I actually thought about removing my dangerous Mountain Dew from the carry-on and putting the pedal to the metal and seeing what that 737 could really do. Snap back to reality, they would just laugh at me and my 12-pack. Okay so cut to two passes of the beverage cart, and a pretty decent meal when I think man I have been here forever, I should get up and move about (mom warned about those damn blood clots) I asked the stewardess about how long we had been in the air and she responded with, "oh about two hours and ten minutes" at that point I honestly thought I was going to pull the hatch on the door and jump out. But I figured what the hell, I can do this so I went back to my seat and fell asleep, for what I hoped would be the last remaining six or so hours.


Two hours later I woke up over Greenland...back to sleep...two hours later I woke up over Ireland...back to sleep....then I wok up to the scary little lady next to me hovering over me like Gollum over Frodo, asking if I wanted my fruit cup....my precious....okay scary. After recovering from my Lord of the Rings incident I woke up to find we would be in Amsterdam in about an hour. So I watched the little plane on the screen fly across the North Sea for the next 45 minutes before I had to get up and walk around, it was enough to drive a person crazy! So I land and meander off the plane, thinking I have about an hour or so to make it to my connection...um yeah Amsterdam airport is huge, and well it took me about 45 minutes to make it to my gate. So I get there and realize that they are making people check their bags if they are too big. Having mountain Dew and all I needed my carry-on to stay in a pressurized compartment, so it was like Mission Impossible with my carry-on, cue music.... so needless to say I boarded a bus which was supposed to take me to my plane. And let me tell you if you are ever supposed to board a bus that will take you to your plane...you are in trouble.


My plane, was called a city hopper, why...well because it did just that from Amsterdam to London, Brussels, Dublin, and the like. Did I happen to mention that it had two props and a staff of one. Yeah the flight attendant kept running to the cockpit, changing her hat into her pilot's hat, apparently when the auto pilot beeps three times it is a bad sign. Did you know there are no fat people in Europe, well okay I lied I did see one at the airport, but I think he was a king or something because they were carrying him around on this bangquette (sp?) thing. So trust me when I say that the people of the flight and I were eyeing each other suspiciously. I was thinking how many of them I would have to throw out if we were a little heavy and they were thinking how may of them it would take to throw the fat American kid out. Trust me I was not worried, I could have taken all twelve of them. So I moved the chicken crate off of my fold down seat, and settled in. It did seem as the legs of my trip progressed the seats did seem to get smaller...Europe and fat people.


Here is where it gets good, and trust me I know many of you were wondering when it would... so I board the last leg of my flight, and I get all settled, when someone starts yelling in the back of the plane. I am thinking that he is just mad at his wife/child/business partner and ignore him. Next thing I know the man is screaming and doing this middle eastern battle cry...so I get interested. I look in the back and realize that there are three armed security agents escorting a handcuffed criminal. So then everyone is pissed and wants to know why they were not informed and blah blah blah. I just want my picture taken with criminal guy and the agents. I am laughing, and enjoying my time, thinking that if I am gonna die, I am gonna die might as well live it up. The criminal guy still yelling in the back, all of a sudden he is muffled, I think the agents slammed his face into the seat in front of them...The guy next to me looks at me and the only English he knows which I assume is from movies is, "he be drink too muck" so I nod and pretend like I know what the hell he is talking about and say, "yeah I am sure" so then I go back to laughing and listening to the agents slap him around.

So that was the first 15 hours of my trip I hope you enjoyed it. There is way more to come!